Diary Notes

"I don’t want to feel this anymore."

These are the words in Andrea’s diary.

All night, she poured out her heart in writing. She wrote about wanting to be free from her inner negative feelings. Not only did these take a toll on her, but also on her relationships with her family and friends. She wanted her heart to be at peace.

After writing, she brushed her teeth and prepared herself to sleep as she faces another day.

It was the next day. Jenny paid Andrea a visit, and she saw her cleaning the house. She then visited Andrea’s room and saw the diary in the bed. She got it and read it out of curiosity. Here was what she read:

"I don’t want to feel this anxiety. I know I’m supposed to relax, but things are out of control. I just want things as they should be."

"I don’t want to feel this anger. I want to show them because of the hurt they did to me. But if I do that, I push them away. It’s confusing, and it’s in my mind over and over. I’m sick of this." 

"I don’t want to feel this loneliness. I feel separated, isolated… and it’s no fun. I’m now scared to go back there. All I’m doing is to make everyone know I’m someone worthwhile. But they’re seeing otherwise?"

"I don’t want to feel this stubbornness. It’s so difficult to wait. I just want to get rid of this impatience."

"I want to leave behind my past. But my mind still screams about what should have been. Can there still be something beautiful in my life that can come out despite my mistakes?"

When Andrea saw her reading, she was afraid. But Jenny assured her that she could be trusted. She promised that her secrets stay between the two. Andrea agreed. So they sat down together, and Jenny advised Andrea the best she could.

“I’ll be here to help you, understand you, and defend you. But you have to help yourself if you want to see that change coming”, Jenny said.

Andrea started to become silent.

Jenny continued, “Worry is natural. But don’t stay too much on it. It steals your peace. Trust that things will work out fine. Think of good things. Live in the moment. That’s where you can be positive.”

Andrea started to think of what Jenny said.

“Meet your anger with love. Let your heart break open. Be compassionate when you open it up. Then, keep watch of your sensations at the moment. Then, do what’s needed in alignment with what you really, really, want. I suggest you let go. Forgive them every day when you need to. Then, direct your actions in love.”

Andrea bowed her face as she took the advice.

“Being alone doesn’t necessarily mean being lonely. You can be alone, but not lonely. Just be who you really are. There’s a pool of people who love you and accept you for who you are.”

Andrea still had her face down as the words became deeper.

“Stretch out your patience. It’s what you need in any phase of life. Start slowly, and you’ll get there eventually. Release your tension and stress as much as you can. When you’re triggered, understand why and counteract your impatience. Work with that and keep a positive mind. Take perspective with things. ”

Andrea started to feel calm and encouraged.

“You can heal from your past. You can’t change it, but you can change how you see it. Just remember the things I advised you, and you’ll get your grip.”

For a moment, Andrea felt hope.

“I know you have a lot stored in your emotion box. But these feelings you have are normal. You just have to control it. These are tough words to take, but I know you can do it. I know that you’re better off without the baggage you have.”

“You’re the woman I know who has a positive outlook in life. You always see the good in everything you’re through. You keep a happy mood, and everybody can see that.”

“I know you have a hard past. I know about your struggle. But you don’t have to be defined by it. You can be the new person starting today. Have a new chapter in your life. “

“I’m not going to look down at you. You’re still my friend despite your flaws. I’ll be there for you in anything. I know you can do this.”

Andrea felt relieved. All she could do was to let out all her tears until she can get her inner peace. Then, she was hugged by her best friend she had all along. Her embrace inspired her to get back on her feet.

“Let’s have lunch. Then, we’ll go to the mall afterward. Let’s enjoy this day and make this a memorable one. This should be a happy Saturday.”, Jenny suggested.

Andrea nodded in agreement.

Indeed, there’s power when we build up others with words. Those who share the same struggle can be given that same kind of hope.