It was the longest and scariest night for most. Some trees fell. There were houses with some parts taken off, while some were almost devastated or even wrecked. There was fear and worry for those waiting for the storm to end.
Some woke up the next day to see poles and lines that fell. With no water, electricity, and communication lines, everyone had to find ways to secure essentials like food, water, and alternative electric lights for the needed days. Some were able to see the chaotic and depressing aftermath of the typhoon. There were establishments not even spared by the magnitude. There were even reported casualties and floods rising in some places.
There was no time to waste on rebuilding. Linemen worked continuously for the whole restoration of the electricity supply. Water supply recovery efforts also started, as well as communication lines. There were several relief efforts for those who were affected badly. It would take a longer time for a full recovery.
It was the second strongest typhoon I've experienced after Haiyan (Yolanda), but this one's different. Being part of the affected areas (which is Cebu), there are times worry comes to mind. I needed stillness to calm down and to assure myself that Someone in the universe is working on the situation and is also working on providing our daily needs.
So I decided to take that mindset for every waiting day. And I found some memorable moments along the way.
It didn't take long for this to remind me of the "inner storm" I needed to face. This storm came from my past painful experiences. I survived them, yet I still felt the pain. The pain fueled me to find my strength, but it also intensified the evil in me. Its winds caused most, if not part, of my heart to darken and affect most of the people I encounter.
I get repeatedly reminded toughly and gently to accept and let go. I admit to refusing it because of a painful experience of doing so. To do so was fully difficult for me, but I had to. It was at a point where my quality of life was at stake, which I never intended to be.
I had to fix that. So I needed to face all my conflicting emotions, collect them, and properly release them to get the true peace I needed. I also needed to recalibrate my thoughts in every situation to get the strength I needed.
The days after were opportunities for me to reset. For each idle time, I focused on recreational activities I wouldn't do on a regular day, like writing and completing my coloring book. I helped at the house when I could and even played games with my family. I took what I could learn for myself to grow.
It would be my first time spending Christmas with people outside my family. It's different for a change, but it turned out okay. I conversed with them over food about our storm stories and anything under the house lights. I also listened to deep, insightful stories shared on the table. After that was the needed work, we finished until late morning for submission and feedback.
On Christmas Day, I got a glimpse of a day in the life of the neighbors. Starting from my friend's house, I saw how they were and their interactions with neighbors. To think about it, it's a great advantage to have people you know as part of your neighborhood. In this context, it's an actual community. They can continue celebrating seasons together as long as they still live next door.
The rest of the day was video updates and meals with neighbors. The time I spent with them lightened me up partly with hope. It's a hope that everything will be fully restored, including our place, and rebuilding after the storm can make us stronger and better.
With gratitude for the neighbors' generosity, I brought these along with me going home.
February came, and still no electricity. I worked in a hotel-type working place. There would be days wishing that things would be better soon back home. I used the time to reset myself as much as I wanted, away from my usual routine. It was also there that I realized that I needed things to relearn. It's been a while since I had to travel out of my house.
But things would gradually turn back to normal. On the last week of the month, I began working on the remaining items of my side work before the typhoon happened. Also, I received news of a loss from our family. It was an unexpected one, but we had to carry on.
At that time, the electricity in our place was back, but the house needed renovation. So for the rest of March and April, I worked in a condominium where my uncle had a room. It was business like usual, and a sense of normalcy was still up and going. It was the time when I felt the need to bring back the power I should have in directing my life.
It was a point where I needed to consider the quality of my life. I had to take in the current realities from there. It made me see situations where I could have responded differently. It made me see where I could have strengthened a bit more to build my inner strength and what I could choose to accept things as they are and move forward enduringly despite the pain. It made me see how they could make me better than where I am now.
I had been through relapses because I still couldn't come to terms with some issues. But as they say, the body knows and tells you when it's time to move on to a new chapter of your life. And you can trust it. I've come to a point in my life where peace matters most to me. So I decided to make amends to all the people affected negatively by my actions, find true healing, and take the lead in the great work of directing my life to where it should be.
I can say that the "inner storm" has died down. Now, it's filled with openness, forgiveness, grace, love, and prudence. Life can still be struggling, but I can bear it with my head up high with optimism that it can still be worth living.
They say that storms don't come to teach us painful lessons but to wash us clean. And it holds that for me. It's one of the storms in my life I wouldn't forget.
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