Unoffended

We all want to be the best person in our relationships with others. We want to be our best to them, give our best to them, and make the most of our connections with them. We want to be a valued person by the people around us.

It can be done. And to make that happen, we need to have one important trait that's helpful as we continue to journey. It's being unoffended. 

We don't take any offense, and we refuse to take it.

We don't feel annoyed, hurt, insulted, resentful, or angry.

In life, injury is inevitable- from circumstances to relationships. And we can't help but be offended by those that make us such. It's inevitable. But we can choose if we can keep it further or not. We can take the high road and let it go or resort to counterattacks.

But as we mature, we realize we can't afford the luxury of being offended. The more wisdom we have, the more we see that we don't need it. It's tough, but we can overlook it because our empathy prompts us to turn the other cheek.

Being unoffended doesn't mean not getting offended all the time. It's about not staying offended. The more we stay offended, the more distance is added between us and the ones we love. It grows one offense at a time.

The feeling comes from negative emotions when something is said or done conflicts with what we expect and believe to be the right, appropriate, moral, and acceptable behavior. It can be stressful, even to the point that we lose sleep. It can start small but becomes different when it grows big. Doubt comes into the relationship, then defensiveness, cold-heartedness, and resentment. We then detach and give up until it's broken.

It's frustrating, tiring, heavy, exhausting, and emotionally draining to top it all. If we continue it further, the intensity of these grows big. We become more unyielding and quarreling.

To refuse to be attacked, questioned, or defeated
Too uncooperative. Too unmanageable.
Too hard-hearted.
We're the heroes, and they're the villains.

But in reality, it's the other way around.
And if we don't change, that's the identity people will talk about you.
Would you like that?

Sad but true, but there are instances like that. The more we dwell on this, the more we actually miss out.

If we've been through this path and choose to turn around, there's hope and a chance. It's tough, but it's the right thing to do. And we need to strengthen this resolve to be free from the dangers of being easily offended if we want it. Being hardly offended brings out our selflessness, a better one to have.

So how do we become hardly offended? I learned of these points:

1. See the brokenness in people.
We're all human. We're imperfect. And this shouldn't surprise us. We, too, are broken, and we tend to do intense things when we're offended. That should be our base point of why we should be unoffended. All of these spring from a heart that's untrustworthy, unfaithful, and prone to selfishness.

This means when we deal with people, we should adjust our expectations of them. This is to keep us from being disappointed. What we can do is work with them with good intentions. If they need a listening ear, we listen to them and interpret their words generously. If this doesn't work, we continue on. At least it's better than living the opposite way.

2. Seek to under-react.

We tend to overthink and overreact when we get offended. And the negative feelings that come with it are contagious. Better get rid of them before it gets worse - anger, rage, malicious behavior, hurtful words, and evil words to talk to. They don't do good.

And it's important to note that the way people treat us is a statement about who they are as human beings. It's not a statement about us. This means engaging with people who seem to be out to get us or who look for something to be offended is counterproductive. It's a waste of energy. So we should respond in love and overlook the offense. Better not repeat the matter.

3. Suspend judgment.

We set aside any judgment we have from the offense. What brings this up are triggers, our "sensitive" places, or our points of weakness. It's an opportunity to acknowledge them and reflect on why we're so offended about something. Knowing the cause will help us to avoid becoming offended. What usually fuels it is areas in our lives where we have unresolved hurt, anger, or insecurity. If we constantly feel this, we need to evaluate our inflamed ego.

If we judge, we're also judged. It's better to give them the benefit of the doubt than to judge. We really don’t know what's inside their hearts and minds. We don’t know the backstory. We think we do, but we actually don’t. There's a chance we might be wrong. We let the right person judge the outcome.

4. Surrender in forgiveness.
We may get offended and get hurt, but we can choose to forgive. Forgiveness is a kind of love we practice. We need to forgive and be forgiven every day, every moment in time. Unforgiveness is the ugliest, heaviest burden we can carry. It looks ugly when a forgiven person becomes unforgiving. So it's better to allow room for their faults and forgive them if they offend us. Through pain, we can turn something beautiful with forgiveness.

5. Soak in unconditional love.
Love covers all faults. And when we know this, we can act out the points mentioned earlier.

I'm no expert. I admit to going through with this and struggling with it even now. But all I know is people grow, and they can change. So do we. A sound human progresses himself in bringing his goodness within. That's why we need to be patient with one another, which includes being unoffended. It may not solve everything, but at least it can change something. Though challenging, it will be rewarding. So we take this.